With the holidays finally here, it can be a difficult and distressing time to be dealing with the conflict of divorce. Traditionally, holidays have marked a time of family togetherness, and postcard-perfect images come to mind of happy people celebrating together. When your own life is a little less Norman Rockwell than you would like, however, it is important to be mindful of what kind of an impact the divorce is having on your child. There are steps you and your co-parent can take to turn down the volume on conflict and plan for a genuinely happy holiday season. Your child will benefit from seeing his or her parents get along or at least find a way to relate to one another in a cordial way.

Create a parenting plan and stick to it

The key to having a smooth holiday season is to communicate and plan ahead. Part of the child custody process in divorce is working together to create a parenting plan. Because parenting plans are approved by a judge, you must be able to stick to them or face the possibility of going back to court. Both parents must communicate and work together to create a plan that will govern every aspect of the child’s life, and it contains a calendar with the visitation schedule of the parent who has parenting time with the child. Ideally, the parenting plan is where the holiday schedules will be mapped out well in advance. However, if you have not yet created a parenting plan with specific details about where and when your child will be picked up and dropped off, and which holiday they will be spending with which parent, you might make that a top order of business with your Nashville family law attorney.

Come up with new holiday traditions

There is nothing wrong with starting new holiday traditions. Given that there is only one Christmas morning each year, parents can be creative and figure out how to make the holiday special on the years when they do not have their child at home on that special day. Opening gifts on Christmas Eve, or on the day after Christmas, can be made to feel just as special.

Come to an agreement about presents

To avoid creating a real problem, make sure you and your ex discuss your gift-giving strategy. In our time here in Nashville, we have seen plenty of families resort to passive-aggressive “warfare” by attempting to buy their children’s love through expensive presents, or by simply buying a lot more of them, or beating the other parent to the punch when they know what that parent is planning on giving. Younger children may not recognize what that is, but the older ones will – and they will likely continue to play you off of one another, or become angry at the perceived manipulation of their feelings. The urge to spoil your children at the holidays (to let them know they are loved, to assuage your own guilt, to show them that nothing has to change) can be great, but ultimately it is detrimental to everyone involved. By working together with your ex, you may be able to avoid some of the heartache later.

When you and your former spouse are able to work out a solution that accommodates the needs of your child and then each other, you are setting a powerful example. When your child sees you being able to work things out in an amicable way, it sends the message that conflicts can be worked out in a peaceful way.

Parents who are going through a custody battle over the holidays will find the support and the strong advocate they need from the legal team at Miller Upshaw Family Law, PLLC. We have the experience to help you navigate the divorce process and get your new life underway. Contact us today to discuss your case with a skilled Nashville divorce attorney.