So often, you hear about all the negative aspects of divorce, and the negative impact it can have on children’s lives in the long term. If the divorce is contentious, if there is a big custody battle, or if there is infidelity or other dramatic situations, it can upset children to see their parents fighting, and it can be crushing for children to hear the hurtful things that parents say to and about each other.

But there is the opportunity for your child to take away some positive lessons following the divorce. In a culture where about half of marriages end in divorce, there is no way to protect our children in a happy little bubble. It makes sense to help them to understand (age appropriately, of course) what is happening, and how they can take some valuable lessons and apply them to their lives now and later in lives.

Here are five vital life lessons that children can learn from divorce if their parents take the time to listen to their concerns and set a good example as they navigate the challenges of divorce:

1.    The importance of clear communication in a relationship.

The ability to communicate clearly and openly with anyone you are in relationship with is one of the hallmarks of a happy, well-adjusted life. If you can teach your children the importance of communicating about their feelings and preferences, and if you can model clear, open communication with your spouse, your child will learn a priceless life lesson as they go along for the ride through your divorce.

2.    The ability to resolve conflict peacefully.

If even half of the children of this world could have peaceful conflict resolution modeled for them, this world would be a different place. The way that you conduct yourself during your divorce – the fighting or the lack of it, whether you agree to not disparage one another, or if you decided that it will be a free-for-all with insults and defamation – will contribute to the molding of your children. Kids model what they are exposed to. A powerful gift to give your child would be the ability to end the marriage and get on with your lives without starting a war in the process.

3.    That they can trust their parents to place their needs ahead of their own.

When parents who are getting a divorce take the time to nurture their children, make them feel heard and understood, and communicate with them about all the changes going on in the family, it teaches the child that they can trust their parents, and they can feel safe even as everything around them is changing. It sets a clear path for future disputes, too, even after the divorce is final.

4.    The importance of being willing to compromise in a relationship.

You can’t always have it your way. Sometimes in life, we must go first and bend to accommodate another person’s needs. Life is constantly changing, and children who learn to compromise are in better shape to deal with the future than those who learn to “dig in.” This valuable lesson will play out in all aspects of their lives: school, work, friendships, romantic relationships, etc. The sooner they learn it, the better their lives will be.

5.    That even when things don’t work out the way you had planned, you can still find a way to be happy.

Not every situation in life has a tidy, Disney ending. Life is messy more often than it is neat and predictable. When a child can learn to roll with whatever life throws at them, including your divorce, the easier their lives will likely be. Flexibility is important in an ever-changing world. You and your spouse can take this opportunity to discuss how it feels when things do not go your way, and to model positive reactions to those feelings.

Are you a parent who is either planning to get divorced, or is in the middle of a contentious divorce? We can help make sure that your child’s needs are addressed and that you feel supported during a difficult life transition. You are encouraged to contact our experienced Nashville divorce attorneys at Miller Upshaw Family Law, PLLC at 615-391-4200  or fill out our contact form to schedule an in-person or video consultation to discuss your needs with our experienced Nashville family law attorneys.