6 Tips for a Successful Uncontested DivorceWith all due respect to Pat Benetar, love is not a battlefield, and divorce does not have to mean war. In an uncontested divorce, both parties agree to non-fault grounds. These are irreconcilable differences, or having lived in two separate residences for at least two years (provided you do not have children). If both parties mutually consent to getting divorced, have no minor children, and consent to all elements of a divorce agreement, the entire process may take only a few months.

But that does not mean that your plans for an uncontested divorce cannot fall apart. Here, we offer some steps you can take to keep your plans moving forward, so you can avoid litigation.

1. Confirm that you are both committed to an uncontested divorce.

If you can agree on this one last thing as your marriage ends, it will save you both a lot of time and money – money that you will both need as you plan your future lives. It is okay if you disagree, or take extra time to make decisions. Just stay focused on moving forward, and aim to compromise. If one spouse continues to dig in, or is not onboard with the process, you may end up spending more time in court than either of you would like.

2. Agree on the items that will need to be resolved.

Sit down together and make a list of the issues that will be resolved in the divorce. Will one spouse be paying alimony to the other? What will happen with the retirement and investment accounts? Who will keep the house? If there are vacation properties, business assets and professional practices, these are usually marital assets which are subject to property division in the divorce; are you both comfortable with that?

In order to move forward with an uncontested divorce, you must agree on every element: alimony, property division, child support and child custody. These are sensitive issues, and they need to be treated as such. Determining what means the most to you from the start can help your efforts to negotiate for what means more to you. As the old saying goes, choose the hill you want to die on, so you don’t end up fighting viciously over that old couch you did not want in the first place.

3. Keep the disclosures simple, but honest.

Now is the time to be open. Anything either of you might be trying to hide will be revealed in the discovery phase, so disclosing everything will help avoid the inevitable bombshell that will come if your spouse discovers some damaging information about you or your finances from their attorney. Remember, too, that if you are caught hiding assets, and you end up having to litigate, that news will not endear you to a judge in any way.

4. Keep your emotions in check.

Your ability to manage your emotions will be an important key to making sure that your uncontested divorce remains uncontested until the decree is signed. We have found that couples who succeed with an uncontested divorce do two things well: they learn to manage their emotions, and they take the long view. Approaching a divorce with a business-like attitude will help make sure that things remain civil. Find an outlet outside of the divorce proceedings to vent your personal issues around the ending of the marriage can help.

5. Agree not to use the children as pawns.

You and your spouse can still file for an uncontested divorce if you have children, but the process will take longer. Remember that in order to move forward, you must agree to all elements of the divorce – and that includes child support and custody, which means you need to have a parenting plan in place. Whatever you do, do not use your child as a bargaining chip, or to get back at your spouse. It is bad for the children and it is bad for you and your soon-to-be-ex. The Courts consider what is in the best interest of the children; you must, too.

6. Work with a qualified divorce attorney.

No one should attempt to get divorced on their own. There are a lot of computer programs out there that claim they will help you avoid court costs, and that can be tempting. But the end of your marriage is the end of a contract; you want a qualified divorce lawyer to help you with that end, so that there are no unexpected surprises. You also gain an advantage by working with an attorney who is familiar with the Tennessee court system, because we know which issues tend to pop up. We can help you avoid those problems.

At Miller Upshaw Family Law, PLLC, our Nashville divorce attorneys help clients create workable solutions in the best interests of the children, and in their own best interests, during and after divorce. To reserve an in-person or video consultation with a member of our team, please call 615-391-4200 or use our contact form.