Some degree of conflict is at play in almost every divorce, but in high-conflict divorces the level of acrimony is so high that the parties can’t share the same space without a fight breaking out. If you are facing divorce with a high-conflict person, we have some tips for you to help you survive divorce and move on with your life.

How do I know if my spouse is a high-conflict person?

Even as you are reading this, you already know that your spouse seems to thrive on conflict. You have likely been in situations where you wondered how they might survive without a seemingly constant level of high drama and disagreement. An article in Psychology Today describes a high conflict personality as, “someone who engages in behaviors that reinforce conflict, rather than reduce or resolve conflict.” The four behavioral characteristics of high-conflict personalities listed in the article include:

• All-or-nothing thinking
• Emotional outbursts
• Extreme behaviors
• Blaming others

What are some examples of damaging behaviors in high conflict divorce?

Candidly, these contentious behaviors usually occur with high asset divorces because there is so much at stake, and the parties have the resources to drag the divorce out for as long as possible. The following are a few examples of destructive behavior in high conflict divorce:

• Disparaging their spouse in public
• Parental alienation
• Threats of violence requiring a restraining order
• Destruction of marital property
• Hiding assets
• Stalking
• Humiliating their spouse in public

Tips for communicating with a combative, high conflict spouse during divorce

You have identified that your soon-to-be-former spouse is addicted to creating conflict and you want to stay out of their crosshairs until the divorce is final. Here are some ideas:

• Work with an experienced divorce attorney. Allow your lawyer and his or her staff to communicate with your spouse’s legal team. The less interaction, the more your sanity is preserved.
• Establish clear boundaries. Consider not meeting with them alone. Let their calls go to voice mail so that you can listen to their message if you choose and respond when you want to respond. Answer emails and text messages once per day, and only the ones that warrant a response or require an answer. If you do not engage with them it will be impossible for a disagreement to erupt.
• Learn to control your emotional responses. When you respond in kind to irrational outbursts you feed into the drama. Become their Kryptonite.
• Consider mediation as opposed to litigation for the divorce. This might seem counterintuitive, but if your spouse has a scorched earth approach, the court system with its winner and loser structure is not designed to resolve the conflict. Consult with your Nashville divorce attorney as to the strategy that works best given the facts of your case.

At Miller Upshaw Family Law, PLLC, our Nashville divorce lawyers help clients create solutions throughout the divorce process. To reserve an in-person or video consultation with a member of our team, please call 615-391-4200 or use our contact form today.