Co-Parenting at the Holidays When You Do Not Get AlongThe holiday season is upon us. For some families, this is the cause of great stress. When co-parents do not get along, it can make the holidays that much more stressful to get through, and it can have negative consequences for the children. During the divorce settlement, you and your co-parent agreed on a parenting plan, which included a holiday schedule. Sometimes, parents will agree to trade holidays on even and odd years. If they live close enough to each other’s’ homes, some parents even split the day with the kids spending part of the day with one parent and the rest of the day with other.

Conflicts can arise when co-parents deviate from the court-ordered parenting plan without an agreement to do so. However, you know that sometimes, things do not go according to plan, either. If you and your former spouse do not get along, here are a few things you can do to help make the holidays less stressful after your divorce.

  • Communicate clearly and plan ahead. As we have said countless times before, communication is the key to any kind of relationship. Miscommunication is at the root of most conflicts, so you can circumvent it by communicating openly and honestly with your child’s other parent. Establish a shared calendar and keep it updated with the dates and times you have both agreed on. When something comes up that could potentially infringe on the other parent’s time, be diplomatic about asking to swap times or some other compromise.
  • Do not try to compete for parent of the year. In co-parenting situations, one parent might try to be the “fun parent,” and create exciting events and activities for the child. He or she might buy outlandish gifts which leaves the other parent feeling resentful or guilty, especially if money is tight. Instead of trying to buy your children’s love with gifts, earn it by spending quality time with them and showing them how much you care.
  • Create new family traditions around the holidays. It can be hard to let go of family traditions, especially when it comes to the kids. If you will not be able to be with your children as they open their gifts Christmas morning, create a new tradition for the times you can spend together.
  • Stick to the parenting plan, but be willing to be flexible. This time of year can be chaotic. Aside from the traveling, the baking and the shopping, most people see much of their extended family during the holiday season. There are grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who will want to spend time with your children, too. Picking up your child an hour later, or allowing your child to have dessert with your spouse’s family after having dinner with yours, are acts of kindness – ones that show good faith on your behalf, and a willingness to be flexible in the best interest of your kids.

Developing a cordial relationship with your co-parent is the most important gift you can give your child. When you make the effort to have a workable relationship, you set a positive example for your children to follow, and you alleviate the anxiety that can come when a child knows that their parents do not get along with one another.

If you are in the Nashville area and you are looking for a skilled divorce lawyer, we can consult with you about your divorce and child custody case. You are welcome to call 615-391-4200 or use our contact form to schedule an in-person or video consultation with the dedicated legal team at Miller Upshaw Family Law, PLLC.